God Zeus' Domain: Wha Yuh Makin' Dey?

Fruit Cake or Black Cake

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 03:29:47 GMT

And in the same half-arsed manner as the Sorrel write up, I present another Trini culinary delight…black cake! It’s also known as fruit cake in certain circles. However you slice it (...good one Zeus), there can be NO TRINI CHRISTMAS WITHOUT BLACK CAKE! If you ever have the misfortune of entering a Trini home with no black cake present, promptly leave, return with some matches and burn their house down. Tell them I gave you permission.

Now, onto the poorly described fun!

We start off with butter, sugar and some fruits in a bowl. Mix the sugar in the butter till you don't get that 'grainy' texture. It's hard work, so do your arm a favour...use a mixer.

In another bowl we have eggs, essence and spices, a bit of lemon peel and some other things. I wasn't paying attention! Love? Yes, maybe there's some love in there. Not from me, so don't worry. Once you give this a good beating, add it to the first bowl.

So I missed a crucial photo for you guys. The FRUITS! That's like the heart and soul of a black cake. What we do is soak these fruits (raisins, cherries, papaya, peaches, whatever you want!) in craploads of brandy...for weeks, even months before Christmas. Stick it all in a large jar and forget it in a dark cupboard somewhere. Once you crack that jar open come cake makin' time, the entire neighbourhood will know

So in the above photo, the alcho/fruit mix was added to the contents of the two bowls above.

Next we add some caramelized brown sugar. Is that what you call it? You basically (and beforehand) thrown some brown sugar in a pot and heat it. It’ll boil down to a nice, thick ooze. Let it cool and add it to your mix. Have your brother and his girl friend help. You’ll be too busy salivating and snapping pics.

Here’s an unnecessary, bandwidth wasting pic of the finished mix.

Next, you prep your baking tins. Rub a little non-stick <insert whatever you use> around the inside of the tin. Throw and swish a bit of flour around the inside. Line the bottom with waxed paper. All these steps will help stop your cake from sticking to the pan.

This step is simple. Pour the mix into your pans. My mom used to make a small 'test' cake first, before making the 3 or 4 main ones. We couldn't be bothered. No hope for the youth right?

Totally optional: - Add some cherries to the top

Assuming you remembered to pre-heat your oven, set your timer for an hour and stick your tins in there. Be sure to do the Trini thing of NOT using protection around hot stoves and ovens. We're a tough breed. Oven mits are for pussies.

And like here's what it looks like about an hour later. We're not quite done yet either, so put that cutting knife away. We have to soak the cake with more alcohol! While it’s still warm and fresh from the oven, sprinkle a few cap-fulls of brandy and rum on that sucker. Don’t overdo though. No one likes a soggy black cake.

Once the cake cools (most important that it’s cool), remove it from the tin and store. It’s advisable to store it in an air tight container, since you want it to retain all the alcohol fumes n stuff. So the above pic was the first slice that night. OK I will admit, we overdid the alcohol a bit. It was a tad bit strong

Sorrel

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:11:28 GMT

This and my Black Cake posts aren’t really ‘recipe’ posts as such. They’re sorta some pictorials I did for J, so she’d see what I’ve been trying to describe. So professional juice makers don’t be biting my head off if I get things wrong

(Since no one gave a shite about Christmas last year, we all lazed around and made our traditional eats and drinks well after the fact. This was probably made on the 27th of December I believe)

Let the non-informative pictorial begin…

So this is sorrel…a small red fruit about an inch long that can be obtained from your local friendly market vendor. The trick is to ensure you get some healthy looking batch of sorrel. Some bastards love to mix the old, over-ripe, squishy ones in with the new. Don’t stand for it! Don’t be afraid to get all physical! It’s your right as a consumer to get your arse kicked by an irate vendor!

Next we have to separate the umm, fleshy bits from the middle nutty bit? OK then, how would you describe it then? This is probably the hardest part of the entire process. Sitting with a large bowl and a sharp knife, cutting sorrel for hours. The newfangled method that some people adopt is to throw the entire lot in a pot AS IS! THAT, my friends, is BULLCRAP of the smelliest variety. This ultimately affects the taste of your brew, and is usually a good indication that you’re lazy.

Here's the inside seed bit that we don't use. You'll need to be careful when handling them, since they've got some very fine and very itchy needle thingies on them. A great idea would be to rub these seeds on someone's sheets. Let the hilarity begin!

After you’ve given your fleshy bits a good washing (just realized how rude that sounds), throw it into a large pot. Add water and spices and bring to a boil. Here’s where you can become a sorrel star or a sorrel idiot. Use your spices in moderation! I’ve had some sorrel where folks went overboard with their clove and bay leaves! We must TASTE the sorrel! We opted for clove and cinnamon this year btw. Once you’re pleased with the deep reddish colour of the water, let the brew cool. Strain the mix into a jug and label if desired! I can’t stress the label part enough, as some nosey family member will come along and drink the unsweetened mix.

But wait, we’re not quite finished yet. You’ll need to add water and sugar before serving. This is all up to your taste. Some like strong sorrel mixes, some like weak ones. Since the unsweetened mix will be concentrated, you can have several failures before you get your portions correct. Here’s a lil sorrel secret…add a touch of rum ;)

Here’s what sorrel looks like in a glass…with ice...if you couldn't imagine it. Sigh, I hated this shot from the start. Seriously wanted to do a proper scene shot with it, but meh…

So this should at least bring all the non-Trinidadian readers up to scratch with some Trini Christmas traditions

Quorn Burritos Baby!

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 00:56:05 GMT

And today’s mouth-watering dish that you didn’t need to see, ‘cuz you’re really hungry but to lazy to get up and walk to the kitchen is…the mighty Quorn Burrito. Any excuse to take a photo right? Yeah, that’s me.

The burrito’s traditionally made with ground beef, so Quorn mince made an excellent substitute. I cooked it up with all the usual fixins associated with the burrito. Seasonings, various beans, sauces…the usual. Throw that crap on a bed of lettuce, top with tomato, mature cheddar and a sweet salsa, and you’ve got yourself one tasty meal.

Quorn Fajitas Baby!

Wed, 23 May 2007 01:26:53 GMT

Time for a little Mexican folks…or at least my take on the traditional chicken fajitas. What we got going on in the fajita is here is Quorn chicken fillets (stripped), some mixed vegetables, some seasonings, salsa and the not-so-secret ingredient…Old El Paso BBQ fajita sauce (veggie of course). Hey, I’m a hungry man! Who has time to make a sauce from scratch?

I flanked that sucker with some rice, baked beans and (ahem) Italian salad? Look dammit, it’s a well documented fact that the Italians and Mexicans loved to combine culinary flavours. (Uhh, don’t quote me on that by the way)

Quorn Pilaf Rice (I Think)

Sun, 13 May 2007 21:30:38 GMT

Here’s an old one I meant to post ages ago. The delay was partly because I didn’t have time, and partly because it took a while to figure out what I made. It started out as pelau, but forgetting to buy pigeon peas (gungo peas for you Brits) and being hungry like crazy caused this ‘thing’ to be created. Decided to call it pilaf rice. Quorn chicken chunks, vegetables, seasonings. What more do you want? (no don’t answer that).

It tasted great and made a cool photo. Women see that I can cook (call me ladies) and employers requiring photos of food see that I can set up different scenarios (call me employers). If both those avenues fail, I'll be well fed! Win-win situation for all. Kinda

(For the two doubters off myspace that insist on telling me that I'm buying food and faking pictures I say to you, "chut up!" Come visit me some time and you'll see that I'm not fake. Of course, you'll need to prove that you are indeed who you say you are. Sorta got this thing against being killed and stuff...you know...)

I Dunno

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 22:42:38 GMT

Here’s the result of a very, VERY fucked up day and the desperate need to forget about it. For you see, something very profound has happened…and life, the world and everything in it seems to makes perfect sense to me now. Of course I’m in the last quarter of a very nice bottle of pinot and all this rambling may come across as gibberish.

What do we have in there? Tagliatelle cooked ‘al dente’ with a touch of wild rocket pesto. Tagliatelle is just a big ass word for pasta it seems. Only the Italians truly know the difference. Lightly seasoned, lemon baked tuna steak (the Brit way apparently). Buttered asparagus with tasty shit all sloshed in (ginger, almonds, garlic, onions, pimentos etc). We also have a nice 'menu worthy' photo. Future employers, please take note.

Look, I didn’t burn the house down while making it and as we all know, that's what really matters in the end.

Some Kinda Salad Or The Other

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 23:50:43 GMT

I’ve been craving a salad all weekend for some reason. Yup, just one of the many weird cravings I get. (More on that later).

Yes, a salad in winter. For some reason Europeans seem to think salads are for summer only. Mention having a salad in winter to some, and prepare much gasping accompanied by eyebrow raising (possible steupsing if dey black)

Let’s see…in there we have baby spinach leaves, watercress, red onions, red cabbage, parsley and an assortment of lettuce leaves from who knows where. Throw in some black pepper and garlic croutons, baby potatoes glazed in butter (that I think was low fat…who knows), fresh black pepper and a pinch of salt to top it off and we have a great salad…and a simple excuse to test the sweet new close up filters I got for the digicam!

Mixing food and photography? Oh yeah…good times!

Traditional English Breakfast

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:54:31 GMT

Here’s my veggie take on a meat-eaters tradition.

So what exactly is a traditional English breakfast you ask? (I had to ask too, doh worry). Well, it involves everything in the pic really. Bangers (sausages), eggs (boiled, scrambled, over easy), baked beans, roasted tomatoes and toast (some people fry the bread). I’ve been told by reliable sources that I’ve forgotten the crispy bacon strips. Yup, nothing screams 'kill me now' like fried bread, crispy bacon and thick sausages.

Spicin’ It Up A Notch

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 20:58:03 GMT

(Loving today's Quote of the Day - "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams)

And just when you thought I’d given up on embarrassing myself by displaying true bachelor-styled cooking, I’m back with more! What we have here is a spicy bean burger with the usual extras (my show had a bigger budget this time around you see). I would highly recommend this spicy bean quarter pounder to ANYONE. Vegetarians rejoice. Meat eaters semi-rejoice, since you’ll still have to accept the fact that it’s a burger without the dead cow

I stuck to the universal rule of sandwhich making, ensuring the more viscous liquids were well away from the buns. “But that’s not a burger bun you idiot!”, says the balding guy on the right. Well, Tesco in Bakers Arms didn’t have any, so I opted for giant whole meal baps. Can’t blame a brotha for tryin’ right? In the mix we have ‘extra mature cheddar’, onions, lettuce, tomato, mayo, ketchup and a very tasty sweet/sour sauce I tried for the first time. In the end, it was filling, low in fat (chips were baked, not fried) and most importantly very tasty! Good times!

Well It's Uhhh...

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 20:35:02 GMT

Wasn't too sure what I wanted to do here. So its part Creole, part Indian and part...well something :)

We have your standard run of the mill stewed pigeon peas or as its known over here, gungo peas. Yes, gungo peas people. Don't go asking Sainsbury's people for pigeon peas like me. I threw in some carrot, fresh tomato and light spices and seasonings to make it a little interesting. Only so much you can do to stewed pigeon peas.

Next was the saffron rice. I must admit, it came out a whole lot tastier than I imagined (I always expect my stuff to taste like crap you see). In this we have basmati rice, olive oil, loads of onion (that should have been chopped smaller that what I did), a pinch of salt (I could see mom standing in the kitchen frowning at my pinch of salt) and of course some saffron powder. Took about half hour to do this, but it was worth it.

And last we have the shrimp with tomatoes. I followed a recipe for this...I will admit. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! Never claimed to be a chef, dammit. For this one we have sweet peppers, loads of fresh tomatoes, chilli powder, garlic, onion, lemon juice, ginger and shrimp. In the end, there was a distinct lemon-ey/peppery flavour that went well with the rice.

Bring On The Poultry (Kinda)

Wed, 03 May 2006 23:50:14 GMT

I gave the Quork chicken thingy a go this time. Not bad. Not bad at all.

The pasta dish is simple stuff. Quorn chicken chunks, some mixed sweet peppers, some fresh tomatoes and some herbs for flavour. Real stress with that pasta I bought tho...the middle of the spirals weren't fully cooked, yet the outside began breaking up. Italian made pasta my backside! That never happens with good ole Cuisine pasta back home :P

The stir fry dish was made yesterday. I was frustrated and needed to take it out on something, namely the cutting board, wok and a few pyrex dishes (I need to find REAL means of venting people...I know). The potatoes bit had potatoes (duh), lemon juice, parsley, vegetable stock, black pepper, onions and garlic. Stir fry? Well everything! Cabbage, mushrooms, bean sprouts, some 'greens' my aunt had (what the hell is that anyway?), spring onions and of course Quorn chicken. Oh yeah, black bean sauce (what the hell is that anyway?).

Bachelor cooking at it's best people! Poorly cut vegetables, hasty presentation but cheap and tasty in the end.

Reasons For Sickness

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:07:50 GMT

My "I doh ever get sick...ever" aunt, is, well...SICK. Eyes bloodshot, nose juices a flowin', voice a few octaves deeper and still insists "I'm not sick" and "It's almost gone".

Nonsense I say!

It was for some Trini flu relief. Good ole corn soup!

Now, I make corn soup my way people! Don't really like the corn-on-the-cob scene in my soup. I prefer the corn kernels or corn bits.

The hunt was on for creamed styled corn and since these Brits have no idea what that is, I was forced to blend some sweet corn to make my own. My other ingredients were seasonings (secret recipe), some pepper (black and chili), various vegetables (potato, carrots, peas...all that jazz) a pinch of salt and a whole lotta love (had to dig real deep for that...real damn deep).

Anyways, my aunt may still be coughing up a lung...but I'm damn sure she's well fed!

Good times.

Makin' It A Double

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 03:23:35 GMT

So much has been going on folks...so damn much. This week should be an interesting one with the bloggin'.

First off, lets see what's on the dining table today (and sometime last week)

Serious wok abuse for the first dish. It's supposed to be shrimp fried rice with vegetables (yes, yes...more of the veg again). I think the mistake I made was using olive oil...that and not enough soy sauce. Still, when you're hungry...who's complaining!

The pizza was yesterday's dinner. You're lookin' at one very tasty pizza pie there people (I was shocked myself!). I made the sauce with some fresh tomatoes, white onion, garlic, oregano, various bits of thyme, black pepper and a pinch of salt. The toppings? Why Quorn sausages of course. You really had to ask? Green peppers and red onion thrown in there too (did no shopping this weekend, so it was all in the 'fridge)

I suck on the condiment application tho. All blame to the crap ketchup nozzle!

There's Naan Like It

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 21:23:31 GMT

Ok, I will admit it did taste a whole lot better than I expected. The naan bread was on the shelf and it looked interesting ok...I had to try it. From what I gather, naan bread is a traditional Indian...uhhh bread, that's normally used in conjunction with curried dishes.

Bollocks to all that! I will use bread how ever the hell I want! If I want to try cutting an already very thin naan bread (that's not made to be cut) I damn well will! (hence screwing it up and requiring a baking tray to ensure the cheese doesn't mess up the oven). Long live the brain of the single hungry male!

Ok, mature cheddar on the bottom half of the bread. Cubed onions and tomatoes met some mixed sweet peppers on top that (excess cheese to the top). I sprinkled some coriander to the top half of the bread (well whatever was left of the top half) and stuck it in the oven for a few minutes.

Its one of the best things you could ever wanna put in your mouth

Frustrated People Need Food Too!

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 21:05:06 GMT

We got here veg 'n' shrimp with mashed potatoes.

Carrots, red and green peppers, onion, cabbage and baby shrimp were the 'chunky' bits. Soy sauce, black pepper, olive oil, some thyme etc...and a few secret ingredients.

The mashed potatoes? Well standard milk and butter and obviously potato. Threw in some garlic for flavour.

No real chopping skills as you can see, but who cares?!?

Not so quick to prepare, but very filling. Potatoes are very deceptive...

Again, onion cutting sent me running to the kitchen sink. There's something about the onions over here. They're just rich in errr...onion-ey goodness?..or whatever causes the spontaneous crying phenom.

Oh By The Way...

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 17:59:25 GMT

...forgot to post this on Tuesday.

Chelsea v Newcastle was 30 minutes away. It was time for another quick meal!

Went with some Quorn mince this time. In that went chopped tomatoes, onion, garlic, celery stalk, parsley and spring onions. Below that was just plain ole pasta in pesto sauce.

Yes, the pasta pot boil over (again). That never used to happen to me back home...this is like the 4th time over here.

Veggies again you ask? "Shut up!", would be my sharp reply. I love veggies...and d damn bag seems to regenerate or something. It just won't blasted run out.

Bottom line, it's tasty, quick..and I assume healthy.

Newcastle was cheated by the way...Liverpool shall avenge you Shearer!! Chelsea shall pay

(Ladies take note...a brotha ain't doin' all this for show and tell you know...)

Oh Quorn, How I Love Thee!

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 21:46:49 GMT

Another quickie. Footer on the telly, so no time to waste!

Not one of my best sandwhices, but when its all down there, your stomach doesn't care.

'Meat mouts' beware...

I picked up some Quorn 'turkey' slices this time around...been a while since I've made a sandwhich not involving peanut butter and strawberry jam (the best kind of jam...period)

Here's how I made the sandwhich...

Your sandwhich spread goes on the bottom half of the bun. It's thick and won't easily soak into the bread.

Place the 'turkey' slices on that layer. Cheese (mature cheddar), onion and tomato slices are next up.

I opted for some Jamaican Jerk BBQ sauce as opposed to ketchup. British ketchup is some nasty nasty stuff.

A few leaves of mild and crunch round lettuce and the seasame seed top sealed the deal.

The important thing is that no wet 'anything' touches the bread. I HATE soggy sandwhiches!!

Here We Have...

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 00:54:07 GMT

...something I made at the half time interval of the Chelsea v Barcelona clash. That Ronaldinio goal was still bogus. Don't care one ass about Chelsea either so, "whateva man..."

So, with time against me, it was downstairs to the kitchen.

Took the fish cakes out of the freezer and popped them into the table-top oven (something I made my Aunt buy...I mean come one, its invaluable on so many levels). They needed to cook for 15 minutes, and that was perfectly fine for me.

Half filled the electric kettle with hot water from the tap, then set that to boil.

Threw some frozen veggies into a bowl and popped that into the microwave for 4 minutes.

Quickly and wastefully peeled some potatoes. If mom was around she'd tell me something about that for sure. Look, I'm no surgeon dammit...no time for careful cutting procedures and all that bollocks.

I then put the kettle boiled water and the washed/cut potatoes in a pot on the stove. Just needed to half boil them anyway...the microwave would do the rest.

Cut some parsely, grated some cheese and mixed up my special secret sauce...that strangely looks a whole lot like ketchup. Well ok, there's some ketchup in there, but it sure as hell doesn't taste like ketchup.

Veggies were done (a little too well...note the peas and 'exploded' broccoli bits), so I popped the potatoes in the microwave for it's final cooking.

After that, it was just a case of plate arrangement and sause pouring. Believe me, I woulda normally just slap the stuff on there...I doh care...iz me hadda eat it.

It did take a little longer than 15 minutes, but hey...

Uuugh!

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 18:13:39 GMT

The threat of dying is ever present, no matter where you are.

Kidnappings and shootings in Trinidad.

Bombings and stabbing in London.

Very depressing stuff, the whole lot. Well my friends, to that grim list we add the food from Lahoree Zaika. Don't be fooled by the picture folks, for under the basmati rice and chick peas was certain death, in the form of oil and grease. I dunno, its almost like once I took the food out of the containers, the oil decided to multiply...like some kinda mutant entity. Oil on the counter, oil on the hands, oil on the TV remote that I stupidly held.

Worst was yet to come, for one of my childhood horrors came back to haunt me!!! FRICKIN' CLOVE IN THE RICE! Why do people put whole clove in rice?!? Once you bite that bitch, your whole sense of taste is knocked out for the count. All of a sudden, it's clove rice, and clove channa and clove juice...everydamn thing taste like clove! Still, my aunt got a piece of cinnamon the size of a log in her rice. Lucky her right?

The fish wasn't bad tho, so twasn't a total loss. Still, I'm feeling very sick as we speak. Months of dieting down the drain, due to a stupid curry craving. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy? (I'll be repeating that a few hours from now as I'm sprinting to the loo)

Please, someone, put dong a nice curry pot for me, and overnight FedEx it for me!!!

A Taste Of Home

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 14:50:57 GMT

Not like exactly like mama used to make, but it'll do. My aunt was impressed, but she's more Brit than Trini...just don't tell her I say so.

Bustin' My Nuts

So, the first coconut I had wasn't good. That however, wasn't the big problem. FINDING a coconut within walking distance was! As luck would have it, the Turkish supermarket on the corner had! As luck would have it, the English speaking guy from said Turkish supermarket wasn't in at the moment. Try making hand gestures for coconuts...see how you look.

A woman that could speak uhhh, Turkish? (is that it?) eventually came in, and she translated for me. A minute after, the English speaking store owner came back in....sigh

Walked back home, caught meh tail to crack the bitch open. Couldn't find my aunt's blender jug, so I had to grate the damn thing by hand...BY HAND! What is this, the stone age? Not to mention, grating by hand means you eventually end up GRATING YOUR HAND! (no blood in the food eh! I doh play dat). Sigh.

No good coconut bake is complete without buljol! Sadly, I couldn't find any avocado! That would have been ace! (ah lil Brit dey fuh yuh).

Everything came out decent in the end, so I'm happy. Valentine's Day wasn't a complete arse-job after all