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God Zeus' Domain...Because If These Walls Could Speak, I Wouldn't Tell Them Anything
March 19 Still Thinking Of A Dumb Title That Includes The Word 'Random'Thank you soul sucking apple Apple Corp* for using my favourite Brendan Benson song 'What I'm Looking For' on your damn iTouch ad. You’ve now enabled every tech savvy yuppie out there to act like they know what’s up with the cool music shit. If you’re a newbie to Mr. Benson, please note that he has a number of fantastic albums that you should check out in its entirety! Give the man his props! Also, thanks for sending my blog hits through the roof in recent weeks. I featured that very song in my Lyrics 101 section about a year ago and the page is coming up on someone’s search engine. To help boost my hits, I’ll be including some commonly searched for, words and phrases below:
Breasts, Clinton, Obama, Britney Spears, corpse disposal for dummies, hot porn, Grand Theft Auto IV, Free X-box 360, Free iPhone, suicide bombing for beginners, Liverpool FC, Radiohead, David Beckham, how do I stop the itching?, Free MP3, dating, singles, am I too ugly to get a date?, suicide made easy, Lewis Hamilton, penis enlargement kit, emergency penis reduction kit, local hospital emergency numbers. Right, onto less serious matters… Scoping Things Out (corny as hell, I know) When it comes to mouthwash, I love experiencing the numbing sensation that only Listerine can provide. I mean, who wants to cuddle and snog bad breath? That exactly what you’re doing when you use sub-par mouthwashes folks. For some odd reason, I decided to deviate from my usual dental hygiene plan and reach for some Scope. Mistake number one was not getting your standard mint or mint variant. I went for Citrus Splash or as its now known, “some ole orange horseshite in a bottle”. Seriously, it was like swishing that powered orange mix drink you get at KFC or McDonalds around in your mouth. Totally ineffective! Don’t buy it! Breakin' Out? Yeah, But Worth It And to the list of food related issue that I’m having lately, we can add the embarrassing “I break out when I eat chocolate” right in there. I’m somehow reverting to my teenage years it seems! Who breaks out when they eat chocolate at my age? Still though, I willingly shoved them into my word-hole with little complaint. I love dark chocolate. Like 60% dark and over. 85% is a stretch, but goes great with a smooth pinot. I’m telling you all this in the hopes that some hottie invites me over for a bit of chocs n wine. Such a vivid imagination eh? Thanks again for the chocs B ;)
City Shrinking I’m supposed to be doing an assignment for class on “uniting a nation”. Of course it’s sitting behind the “Soca Warriors” one that should have been completed for last Tuesday. My brother told me submit the word ‘fuckery’ 1200 times on both documents. At this stage, I’m almost considering that to be an option! Hmm, I just read this entry over and realized it's utter crap. Why did I even bother posting tonight? Better question is why did you read it!
* - This rant was proudly made on a Macbook Pro February 25 Bandwidth Exceeding Random GoodnessUmm, so we’re off to a shaky start to the week. Had a very interesting convo with the ex last night. Things started off swimmingly, but soon degraded into ‘more of the same’. Here’s the point where almost everyone rolls their eyes and says, “Serves you right fucktard!” Honestly, am I wrong for trying to keep things civil? I dunno anymore
 . Anyhoos, this ain’t the Dirty Laundry Airing Hour, so onto the real reason you’re all here: Randomness and shite-loads of it!Valentines Shmalentines
Yup, my ingenious plan was to have a genuine Valentines nod this year and not the usual ‘pity nods’ as of late. Two guesses as to how that went folks. I thought this year God will look upon me and have pity. I thought He will rain down upon me, a mighty sprinkling of pheromones so that I may attract a mate. He would look upon our subsequent coupling and declare it good. Alas, no such thing happened (surprise surprise) and me sitting naked in the yard proved to be nothing more than an easy meal for the mosquitoes.
 Hands down my fav: Handmade by A, full of tiny hearts and a cute message discouraging me from suicide. Good times!
So all my winking, smiling and shaving of legs went unnoticed by the female community and I was forced to accept my three cards, one box of chocolate, online community greetings and many international phone calls and emails on the day. Sigh, one can’t help but feel unwanted, you know? (I am SUCH a bastard, honestly!) Homemade Bread Anyone?
 Oven fresh bread? Damn skippy. Melted cheese sarnies all round!
Make bread from scratch and it comes out great. Make bread using a bread-maker and it comes out like shite. Well, not this time folks. No damn bread-making bastard machine will make me the laughing stock of my home again! After reviewing my mistakes and modifying the recipe, we have ourselves a tasty loaf that would make a true baker cry. Ladies, what more do you want huh?
 Who I’m Diggin’ Right Now
Working For A Nuclear Free City  Getting this album was nothing short of traumatic! Don’t believe me? Try asking a Trinidadian CD store about this band. Observe their reaction carefully. Next, observe the reaction of amazon.co.uk as you effortlessly place your order. Hmm. Businessmen & Ghosts is fantastic stuff by the lads from Manchester. Indie electronica at its most satisfying! The tracks range from danceable at times to simply quite moving. They’re nice and ‘bite sized’ in length, so there’s a hearty 29 song serving on there. Check it out if it tickles ya fancy. If it doesn't, STFU and move on then... Cool vid for 'Rocket'
Doubles (The food of the Gods!)
 The only thing better than a hot woman, hot sex and hot Lost is hot doubles.
Working on a way to combine all three. I already have Lost, who's up for the other two? So here’s what doubles look like, my foreign friends. The outer fluffy bits are called 'bara'. That’s made from flour and erm, other stuff. The filling is chick peas or as it’s locally known, channa. No, I have no clue how any of this is made, so I won’t pretend. It’s probably dropped from the heavens by the Almighty himself! The doubles pictured above is from the BEST doubles man in Trinidad, ‘The Original Sauce’. Don’t tell me otherwise or I’ll stab you in the neck with a sharpened toothbrush! He’s the best, fullstop! We've developed a bond of sorts over the years. He asked me about my trip, asked me about my ex (not a cool eating convo btw) and tonight, he asked how I was coping with the change of being back home. It's just odd that my freakin' doubles guy has shown more interest than some of my rubbish friends at times. Well that and my rubbish friends don't give me tasty doubles at the end of it all
 Why Did They Bother?
Did anyone else have the great misfortune of watching the new Knight Rider remake movie? My word, was that shite! I would diss it by saying it was best sent straight to DVD, but really…it’s not even worthy of a betamax cassette. My friend G and I spent the latter half of the ‘movie’ just ripping it to shreds. Trust me on this one people, avoid like the aids! Don’t watch it if your life depended on it. Choose death. Scrape your eyes out if you don’t trust yourself. DO NOT WATCH IT! (Hope the actual series is better than this)
One Third Of Cerberus? Yup, I'm Convinced...
 Be afraid. Nope, screw that...just run! (gotta love my MS Paint handywork right?)
Next we have my bro’s bull terrier. Now I’m no fan of big dogs to start with, and for two years old…this damn dog’s big enough. Needless to say I’m no fan of THIS particular dog. She goes from overly playful (which pisses me off) to fuckin’ demonic (which scares me to pieces). There’s nothing more depressing than facing her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. My bro’s going to read this and train her to maul me…
 And we end with a sprinkling of pics. The stick fighters snap was from Arima's carnival launch. The moon snaps were from the lunar eclipse the other night. After last year's shoddy showing, I was determined to get it right! All I need now is a proper telephoto (200mm ain't cutting it for moon shots) and I'm in business. The carnival pics were from my brief visit to the capital on the Tuesday. Check em all out in the Carnival Snaps.
February 05 Trini Carnival And Other Retarded Topics... It’s Carnival Monday here in Trinidad, which means you’re doing one of three things…
1 – Playing ‘mas’ whilst sporting the skimpiest of costumes. You’ll be sun-burnt to a crisp come Ash Wednesday. You’ll die from skin cancer a few years later. USE SUNBLOCK next time! 2 – You’re on religious side and you’re on some sorta prayer retreat far, far away from anything Carnival related. You pray for the souls of the heathens that are currently drinking, smoking and dry humping each other on the nation’s streets. Secretly you pray for a cleansing wave of fire and brimstone to rain down upon them from the heavens! Or not. 3 – You’re like me. You’re incredibly sexy. You sit at home with some Earl Gray, Jaffa Cakes and you scratch your balls intermittently. Sod it all you say. Sod it all. From any angle you look at it, I’ve had just about enough of this Carnival bollocks. Really! I’ve been to two fetes* and that was more than enough for me…for a long time. Kama Sutra in the country club (utter nonsense) and Trini Posse’s cooler fete in Chaguramas (a lil bit better than Kama Sutra). Sadly even copious amounts of Corona beer couldn’t shield me from the bullshit that is modern soca music. When A’s husband visited from the UK, he brought up the same thing I’ve been bitching about for years. He couldn’t understand why he was hearing the same songs every few minutes. Music Scheme Of ‘Any Fete’
A fete for me is a chance to go hang with friends. Frankly, at the cost of fetes these days, I’m not bothering anymore. For a quarter of that cost, buy some drinks and snacks and come meet me at my house for a house lime. Hell, if you wanna dry hump me in the living room…who am I to stop ya? Random Pic For No Apparent Reason
Ahh yes. One of the joys of living in the tropics is all the unique bugs and insects one can find. Actually, they find you...usually when you're snuggled in bed, or at the scary bit of a movie, or on the loo. This huge moth came into my room the other night and I just had to reach for the camera. I did cup it in my hands and whisper "go call on the eagles for help", but it never returned. The eagles didn't either. Ahh, come on, we all saw The Fellowship Of The Ring...don't look at me like I'm crazy! Sorry, Still Lost! My top character pick this week will be Sayid. Even if he’s not a primary character for the episode at hand, he’ll be #1 for me. He has the RIGHT attitude for survival. No love and feelings clouding his judgment. Just torture and or shoot anything that gets in the way. The characters I cannot stand and ‘hope get killed off soon’ will be Sun and Kate. Sun because she’s a cheating waste of space and Kate because she’s a ‘love-triangle having’ waste of space. Wonder why feminists haven't protested about the way female characters are portrayed? Hmm. And We Have... A package of Jaffa Cakes and junk mail my aunt sent for me! The Jaffa Cakes...thank you. The spam mail? Umm, did you really have to? I've literally been holding back on scoffing the lot in one day. I'm an addict with not immediate source OK. I'm sleepy. A few pics and I'm calling it a night...well morning. Up and about tomorrow for some snaps in town. Here are a few odd ones I took a few weeks ago. The first one one is HDR from Mount St. Benedict and the other two are sunset pics from the Lady Young Road and West Moorings respectively.
* - To my UK readers: A Trinidadian ‘fete’ is NOTHING like the fete as known in your country. Trust me on that one :) January 30 Fruit Cake or Black CakeAnd in the same half-arsed manner as the Sorrel write up, I present another Trini culinary delight…black cake! It’s also known as fruit cake in certain circles. However you slice it (...good one Zeus), there can be NO TRINI CHRISTMAS WITHOUT BLACK CAKE! If you ever have the misfortune of entering a Trini home with no black cake present, promptly leave, return with some matches and burn their house down. Tell them I gave you permission.
Now, onto the poorly described fun!  We start off with butter, sugar and some fruits in a bowl. Mix the sugar in the butter till you don't get that 'grainy' texture. It's hard work, so do your arm a favour...use a mixer.
 In another bowl we have eggs, essence and spices, a bit of lemon peel and some other things. I wasn't paying attention! Love? Yes, maybe there's some love in there. Not from me, so don't worry. Once you give this a good beating, add it to the first bowl.
 So I missed a crucial photo for you guys. The FRUITS! That's like the heart and soul of a black cake. What we do is soak these fruits (raisins, cherries, papaya, peaches, whatever you want!) in craploads of brandy...for weeks, even months before Christmas. Stick it all in a large jar and forget it in a dark cupboard somewhere. Once you crack that jar open come cake makin' time, the entire neighbourhood will know
So in the above photo, the alcho/fruit mix was added to the contents of the two bowls above.
 Next we add some caramelized brown sugar. Is that what you call it? You basically (and beforehand) thrown some brown sugar in a pot and heat it. It’ll boil down to a nice, thick ooze. Let it cool and add it to your mix. Have your brother and his girl friend help. You’ll be too busy salivating and snapping pics.
 Here’s an unnecessary, bandwidth wasting pic of the finished mix.
 Next, you prep your baking tins. Rub a little non-stick <insert whatever you use> around the inside of the tin. Throw and swish a bit of flour around the inside. Line the bottom with waxed paper. All these steps will help stop your cake from sticking to the pan.
 This step is simple. Pour the mix into your pans. My mom used to make a small 'test' cake first, before making the 3 or 4 main ones. We couldn't be bothered. No hope for the youth right?
 Totally optional: - Add some cherries to the top
  Assuming you remembered to pre-heat your oven, set your timer for an hour and stick your tins in there. Be sure to do the Trini thing of NOT using protection around hot stoves and ovens. We're a tough breed. Oven mits are for pussies.
 And like here's what it looks like about an hour later. We're not quite done yet either, so put that cutting knife away. We have to soak the cake with more alcohol! While it’s still warm and fresh from the oven, sprinkle a few cap-fulls of brandy and rum on that sucker. Don’t overdo though. No one likes a soggy black cake.
Once the cake cools (most important that it’s cool), remove it from the tin and store. It’s advisable to store it in an air tight container, since you want it to retain all the alcohol fumes n stuff. So the above pic was the first slice that night. OK I will admit, we overdid the alcohol a bit. It was a tad bit strong January 28 SorrelThis and my Black Cake posts aren’t really ‘recipe’ posts as such. They’re sorta some pictorials I did for J, so she’d see what I’ve been trying to describe. So professional juice makers don’t be biting my head off if I get things wrong
(Since no one gave a shite about Christmas last year, we all lazed around and made our traditional eats and drinks well after the fact. This was probably made on the 27th of December I believe) Let the non-informative pictorial begin… 
So this is sorrel…a small red fruit about an inch long that can be obtained from your local friendly market vendor. The trick is to ensure you get some healthy looking batch of sorrel. Some bastards love to mix the old, over-ripe, squishy ones in with the new. Don’t stand for it! Don’t be afraid to get all physical! It’s your right as a consumer to get your arse kicked by an irate vendor!
 Next we have to separate the umm, fleshy bits from the middle nutty bit? OK then, how would you describe it then? This is probably the hardest part of the entire process. Sitting with a large bowl and a sharp knife, cutting sorrel for hours. The newfangled method that some people adopt is to throw the entire lot in a pot AS IS! THAT, my friends, is BULLCRAP of the smelliest variety. This ultimately affects the taste of your brew, and is usually a good indication that you’re lazy.
 Here's the inside seed bit that we don't use. You'll need to be careful when handling them, since they've got some very fine and very itchy needle thingies on them. A great idea would be to rub these seeds on someone's sheets. Let the hilarity begin!
 After you’ve given your fleshy bits a good washing (just realized how rude that sounds), throw it into a large pot. Add water and spices and bring to a boil. Here’s where you can become a sorrel star or a sorrel idiot. Use your spices in moderation! I’ve had some sorrel where folks went overboard with their clove and bay leaves! We must TASTE the sorrel! We opted for clove and cinnamon this year btw. Once you’re pleased with the deep reddish colour of the water, let the brew cool. Strain the mix into a jug and label if desired! I can’t stress the label part enough, as some nosey family member will come along and drink the unsweetened mix.
But wait, we’re not quite finished yet. You’ll need to add water and sugar before serving. This is all up to your taste. Some like strong sorrel mixes, some like weak ones. Since the unsweetened mix will be concentrated, you can have several failures before you get your portions correct. Here’s a lil sorrel secret…add a touch of rum ;)
 Here’s what sorrel looks like in a glass…with ice...if you couldn't imagine it. Sigh, I hated this shot from the start. Seriously wanted to do a proper scene shot with it, but meh…
So this should at least bring all the non-Trinidadian readers up to scratch with some Trini Christmas traditions
January 20 ‘Burn Baby Burn’ or ‘Got A Light, Mate?’Ahh yes, what better way of sticking it to ‘The Man’, but by filling the air with the smoke of a good ole effigy. Not-so-oddly, this sort of action only seems to take place in a certain part of the planet. Not pointing any fingers at India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and environs, but you know which countries I’m talking about *wink wink*. Nothing says, “We’re an angry bunch that’ll kick the shite outta you and the evil you stand for” like burning a crudely constructed object representing your victim.
I’m thinking the appearance of an effigy during a mob rally is something like the cake coming out at a child’s birthday party. The kids can’t wait to get their hands on a piece of the action! You know there’ll be that one guy that ONLY showed up for the burning and beating. He couldn’t give a damn about the cause. He’ll brave the random third-world police beatings. He just wants to be there when that match is struck! Once that baby’s smoldering down to ash, he’s already fiddling with his car keys and telling his friends, “I say chaps, we’ve had a smashing good one today. Same time next week? Well done and cherrio old beans!” (Yes, my fictitious characters are posh Brits for some reason) The latest (that we’ve heard about anyway) is a protest against Indian car manufacturer TATA and their new Nano line of cars. I use the word ‘cars’ there very loosely as I think it’s nothing more than a family coffin on four small wheels. Now, I’m not saying that the less fortunate shouldn’t be mobile…I’m saying that the people with the power to do so, shouldn’t make a car in these modern times with NO safety features!!!
According to the BBC’s article, the car is made of sheet metal and plastic (held together by adhesive…not welding) and has no airbags or power windows, no power steering, no air-conditioning system (yeah, they won’t need THAT feature in India)...shit, the damn thing just has NO POWER. There’s a 624CC engine in that thing. Forget driving up hills, good luck on small road humps under full load! But I digress…
The townspeople of the area the car factory is located took to the streets with effigy and torches in hand to give some photographer a great photo-op. They were well cheesed-off about not farmers not getting back some land that was promised to them by the company.
So here’s a few things I’ve noticed from that picture…
So, I’ve had a bit of fun with the whole effigy thing, but I am intrigued by it. I think it’s amazing that people in that part of the world can see this as a viable form of protest. I dare you to try that in our western countries! I’m willing to bet money that nightfall will find you in a cell or in a hospital bed. Who’s really enjoying freedom? (OK don’t answer that) Here’s a collection of other noteworthy effigy burnings
The Shilpa Shetty/Jade Goody Big Brother Scandal
The Pope Makes A No-No
Sticking Up For The Boss
(And finally, my personal fav, and a great example of effigy burning gone terribly wrong...) The Shilpa Shetty/Richard Gere Scandal
January 16 The Dismemberment Plan - Timb BombWhoa, it's been a while since I've done one of these. Almost a year or something like that. But anyways, what a song to make a comeback with! The Dismemberment Plan's - Time Bomb! Since the day I heard this song, it's been in my head. How did I not hear about this band before? Such a travesty on my part...but all kudos to woxy.com again right? I bought the album because of it too. OK, the song...in a word? Fantastic! I can't fault this song on any front. Absolutely love the lyrics. My word, does it hit hard! The lead vocalist delivers it with such passion, you can feel the pain. (Well I can feel the pain since I can relate to what's being sung in many ways). A bitter, wound licking, revenge swearing sorta break up song. Fucking fantastic! The music for the song is also worthy of similar praise. It gradually builds up to this rousing finale, that all but seals the deal for me!
The Dismemberment Plan - Time Bomb Well I, I am a time bomb and I, I, I am a poison and I, I, I am a land mine and I, Well I, I am a tar pit and I, I, well I am a trip wire, and I, I, well I am a fault line and I, | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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